Pimping the B-Ride

Good afternoon y'all. I have a few exciting things to talk about today, some of which may only be exciting to me. One of which is a feature you may find annoying, but I will find very useful.

You have just encountered the feature I added to my blog. I wanted to be able to do a thing or two behind the scenes, and those things require readers to click on something on my site. If I give you the whole story from the get-go and you don't have to click anything, I can't do what I wanted. Sorry, you have to work to get the whole posting.

Yesterday after work, I stopped at Dave's Bike Shop (or whatever the correct name is) over on Elm St. I liked the way the guy treated me there. I was up front with the fact that I didn't know anything about anything, and he walked me through the process of selecting a chain oil to suit my riding needs. After some more bullshitting and the purchase of my oil (and some gloves), I went home and got to work on the B-ride.

I sprayed the whole thing down with Simple Green, which is an awesome degreaser. It's biodegradeable, environmentally friendly, relatively cheap and does a pretty good job. I often use it to clean the engine compartment in my car. Anyway, I cleaned up the bike REAL GOOD, lubed up the brake and shifter cables (who knew you had to do that?), lubed up the chain, made a few adjustments here and there, and it's smoother than ever.

Plus I had my shirt off to catch some rays, and that walker girl (the girl who's always walking by) smiled at me. It's almost embarassing how badly she wants me. Next time I'll just stand there and flex to put her out of her misery.

Anyway, last night around 11:30 I was riding home from the 'COW residence when I pulled up onto my lawn (a hill) and the bike stopped dead. I tried to walk it up the hill and it was slow going. What happened is the rear wheel must have been loose and it started to fall off when it wedged on the frame. What are the odds of that happening the last 10 feet of my ride? And on my own lawn no less? I didn't think of thanking Jebus then, but I might tonight.

The last topic of conversation I have is more out a conspiracy theory. I'd keep it to myself if I did standup comedy (I even have the whole delivery figured out), but I don't so it's not quite a waste of standup material. My theory is this, what if there was a specific combination of Earth's minerals and compounds that, if consumed, would make people more easily controlled by television? And what if the government knew the recipe and had a simple way to get most Americans to willfully ingest said combination everyday. And not only would we all do this voluntarily, we would pay for it out of our own pockets and think we're doing something good for ourselves. If only Uncle Sam could disguise these compounds with names that wouldn't arouse suspicion. I know...

Vitamin A
Vitamin B
Vitamin C
Vitamin D
Vitamin E
and so on.

There, those won't arouse suspicion. Just put them in pill form and make some into fruity cartoon character shapes to get kids taking them. There. Now people will be more receptive to the crap we put out on the airwaves and the country will be ever so malleable.

Okay, not too valid of a conspiracy but it got me thinking. It won't stop me from taking my Centrum everyday, but I also don't watch a lot of TV so I'm somehow beating the system anyway.

Lastly, I'm not sure what the main reason for this is, but I'm going to attribute it to giving up red meat. You see, ever since JD moved to AZ, I haven't had a bite of red meat. I had been considering this for a while, but when cooking for other people you have to be considerate of their needs. A carnivore like JD wouldn't be able to live on chicken and tofu, nope he needs beef (or pork, the other red meat, ha ha). Anyway, in the last four weeks I've broken a weight barrier that's been laughing at me for the past two years and lost around 8 pounds. Not that I can see or feel the difference, it's just what the freight scale at work tells me. I'm not going to give you the final count at the moment, but if all goes well I should finally be able to hit my penultimate goal.

Then on to my ultimate goal! Muwahahahahaaaaa!

Of course, my goal is not really a number anyways, it's just to be a healthy person which I am. Other people need numbers to quantify healthiness, so when they ask I can give them a number to satisfy those needs. So there.

Well, I might toss another post up here tonight after my bike ride. I'm supposed to be going for about a 30-miler, we'll see how I feel afterwards. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't have any major problems.

Over and out,
Old Coot