Monday, April 03, 2006

Here's Where My Brain's Been

The trouble with wishing for stuff I find, is that you often get exactly what you wished for. I have been posting updates of my life on this here instantweb for dang near a decade, give or take 8.75 years. Everyone out there in Readerland has been nothing but supportive (with the exception of ECOW and HECOW, who are royal ballbusters) and at this point, I have found myself in somewhat of a jam. You see, there's one reader out there who has caught my eye. The jam being that I can't use my journal as a private forum for discussing her (for anonymity sake, I'll call her RC) since she's a regular reader. Now what do I do?

I have edited and re-edited this posting and have decided not to mention the details of our initial "meeting". We have a difference of opinion in terms of who may have stalked who, so I'll leave it to the collective imagination of everyone in Readerland. I'll just add one unbiased comment; RC stalked me into submission.

This is file footage of what RC might look like stalking me in a bear suit, although she'd be undoubtedly sporting a knitted skull cap with reversed, ambulance-style lettering.

So, at any rate her interstate admiration (she lives in NY) has overpowered my usual self-destructive powers. I scoured her own blog (which I will not share with you, so don't ask) in a fruitless search for something wrong with her. It's looking like there's nothing I can do but throw caution to the wind and pray that I don't completely blow it.

Dear Jeebus, please give me a pair.

We met up last Saturday night and while I may have appeared calm and collected on the exterior, I had a turkey sub doing cartwheels on the interior that was convincing me otherwise. Fortunately, RC felt the same (replace the turkey sub with Fritos). We've agreed our next date will not be at a restaurant.

Anyways, I thought the date went well. Conversation flowed with very few of the expected awkward silences. I only dripped coffee on myself a little (the damn waiter spilled it all over my saucer), and my turkey sub stayed inside. Pretty good for me, I'd say. I wasn't expecting a full-on makeout session or anything requiring an awkward morning departure, plus she seemed like too nice of a girl for me to risk clumsily overstepping any boundaries. As it turns out, my wuss-baggery (that's the trait of a wussbag) was once again my downfall. Lesson learned? Probably not, but I'm at least taking notes to study up for next time.

Here are some details for those of you who need them. I told her I was gonna share, but I'll be a little vague so as not to give too much away. What makes us most compatible is a fear of spiders, birds and vermin. I'm not so afraid of mice, but birds hate me and I don't even like spiders on TV. She's 26, knits, claims to bike (sans bike at the moment), reads, puzzles, and laughs at people's mishaps (YES!) and gets my sarcastic wit. She likes OTHER people's babies (which are also currently on my list of things I fear, but I'm getting better), cats/small dogs, Oprah, omelets, and playing cards (need a fourth for Euchre?). She has a good job (a big plus), zero children (legitimate or otherwise, also a big plus), likes Buffalo, does yoga and most importantly has been paying attention to me. Plus she has these really mesmerizing eyes.

So, feel free to rain praise on me in comment form. Showing up for our first date with my Axe-Murderer's Starter Kit in the car (photos to follow) wasn't a good choice, so any comments you can make to show I'm an alright guy would be helpful. I've already shared most of the things people told me to never tell a girl, so don't worry about blowing my cover (for the record, it wasn't The Clap, so don't tell that story). Despite everyone's advice, I've just been myself and it seems to be working. Strange!

P.S. She's not a transvestite named Andre, despite what the fellas in the office think. And she's not a 40-year old man, despite what I feared.

Thanks for your help,
Old Coot

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wait, so did you actually meet via blogjammin?

You gotta love the futureweb.

Todd said...

It was a combination of instantweb means; I believe there was some friendster involved, a little blogger with a hint of AIM.

I'll never admit to it, though.

"Something inside of me just said 'Hey, wait a minute, I want to beat him.' and I just took off." -Pre