Once, Twice, Three Times a Klutz

Good morning loyal readers! It's another rainy one here in the Berkshires, so I guess it's business as usual. Yesterday was dry despite threats of thunderstorms. These weather guys are getting wicked lazy these days; they just put "70 with a 30% chance of scattered thunderstorms" up for a week and go on vacation. I'll tell you what, once I get a kayak it had better be "80 and sunny with a 0% chance of precipitation" at least 5 days out of every week. Wishful thinking I know, but a fella can dream.

Last night's mountainbiking excursion was another winner. My new tires performed beautifully although they did pick up a lot of mud. The new clipless pedals were a real treat as well, although I'm still working out some of the finer details. And by finer details I mean how to get out of them without falling to my death.

The first stop I made was an eye-opener because I wasn't paying attention. Once I realized I was attached to the bike, I quickly recovered and my foot popped right out. The next few times I was A-OK, but realized I was always unclicking with my right foot. That wasn't going to do me any good in an emergency when I needed to unclick my left foot first, so I decided to concentrate on using that foot as much as possible.

The first time I tried to dismount with my left foot was on a rocky uphill where I was waiting for someone to catch up. "Let me just rest my foot here on this here ..." SLAM! I broke my fall with some rocks to the forearm, but no real damage. It was a real slow-mo fall.

Lesson learned: remember to twist your foot, don't try to slide it off the pedal.

The next time I tried to stop was at another rocky intersection, with similar results. After that one, I practiced a few times to get the feel for twisting out of the pedal. "There, I think I've got it".

I didn't have it. Lesson not learned.

At the end of the ride I crossed the street into the parking lot, right up behind my car. As I slowed to a halt I gently (read roughly) placed (slammed) my forearm on the rocky ground. For those of you who weren't counting, that's three times I plummetted to the rocky ground - each time from a standstill. Real smooth move, Ex-Lax.

I will say that I had a couple of close calls in the mud, and the pedals actually made it easier to pull myself out. With your feet firmly attached to the bike, you get power throughout the entire rotation of the pedal, which means on the upstroke too. Grinding your way through mud and rocks just got a while lot easier.

Oh, I also climbed my way over a huge downed tree for the first time. Let me tell you, that's fun. Where you would normally have to stop, dismount (or fall on your forearm) and walk the bike around/over the log I am now able to just ride right over that sumbitch. I have to give credit where credit is due though. The new tires added about 1/4 of my new log clearing capability, the pedals another 1/4, my stunning good looks added the third 1/4 and the raw power unleashed by my chiseled physique gave me the last 1/4. The new shorts probably added a little, but I think their contribution was that they kept me arse from tiring, plus they really contributed to the third quarter - my stunning good looks.

The caterpillars are STILL out there, but not nearly as bad as last time. During one of the more technical downhills (and by technical I mean downhill and turning) I caught a hitchhiker to the face. The bastard dangled from my visor and blocked my view of the trail. Shaking my head side-to-side served only to slide my helmet into an uncomfortable, view-blocking position as well. I was forced to stop (but not fall). Jebus, when will you take these devil-spawned air mines away?

OH, I also forgot to mention the kickass views we saw. Up at the "top" we climbed a hill and you could see clear to NY in one direction and clear to somewhere else in the other. I wish I had my camera (although it would have certainly been broken with all the falling). Berkshire mountains, why must you be so scenic?

Well, since nothing in this world is free I would like to request that anyone who enjoys reading about my (mis)adventures send a monetary donation to me. I'm also willing to accept a kayak (a late model Pungo 1200 is preferred), kayaking equipment (also only good stuff) and/or a Barrecrafters US-212 kayak attachment for my roofrack. These donations are not tax deductible at this time, and never will be unless I become a real charity case, but don't let that deter you. If you're sending money, please just send cash in small bills (no larger than a $20 bill, but lots of them) so we can keep in under the table.

You've heard it here folks. And with that, I'm gone.

Over and out,
Old Coot