Merry Bi-Centbloggial

WELCOME TO THE 200^th POSTING OF THE RANTINGS OF AN OLD COOT!>

I have a few stories to whittle, but nothing terribly exciting I'm afraid. We have cake here at Old Coot Productions®, chocolate with chocolate frosting. There are also balloons and confetti; it's a wild and crazy place. Uh oh, someone just filled the oatmeal pool!

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The Shirt on My Back

Okay, due to matters to be addressed below (see mortgage section in a minute), I was in need of a mood pick-me-up after work. I was also (due to a possible recent growth spurt) in need of some pants. Buying stuff, especially new clothes, seemed like a good remedy for both.

I've noticed lately that it always looks like I'm expecting some serious rain the way my pants don't quite reach all to the appropriate cuff height. It's one thing when you're sitting and your sock is exposed, but when you can see argyle when I'm walking down the hall it's time to invest in a longer inseam.

Anyway, I picked up some new pants (ack, more freaking khakis; I hate khakis) and headed to another store to check out the shirts they sell that have caught my fancy as of late. Sho nuff they had some new colors and such in stock and even had my size. I grabbed two (since they were also on sale) and hit up the check-out. It wasn't until I was home and ironing some clothes that I realized I pretty much bought a shirt I already have. It's slightly different, but so close it'll be heavily scrutinized by certain people at work.

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Yet Another Toy

It was a snowy, blustery night in Albany, NY and I was driving home from an evening out with some chums. Imagine, if you will, driving someone else's car (I'm a built-in DD) in snowy, slippery conditions. Also imagine that the driving you're doing is both city and expressway driving. When I finally got back to my friend's house to drop him and his woman off, I really had to convince them to let me drive back home (an hour in good conditions). The beauty of course, is that while I have a less fancy car than he has I: A. know my car better that I know his, 2. have less horsepower and wheel spinnability and III. have all-wheel drive. You combine those forces with some kickass driving music and I wasn't going to have any trouble.

My drive home was going along swimmingly and devoid of event. I even got to use my new bluetooth headset to field home maintenance calls from my blacked-out wasted friend. Apparently he had flushed the toilet with such force that he broke the handle. If any of you have attempted to fix a toilet you know how effed up some of the mechanics can look to a novice. Add 18 beers to that novice's arsenal and then try to explain the inner workings of a toilet to him over the phone at two in the morning and you can imagine how well it played out. Finally, I convinced him to go to bed and deal with it in the morning when he'd be able to see.

But that's neither here nor there, I'm just giving you an idea of how little extra attention the roads needed. By the time I hit Route 20 (if you're from this area, you'll know about our beloved Rte. 20) I figured I was home free. I figured wrong. At 2 AM there was a 95 alarm fire that required, you guessed it, 95 fire trucks to respond. They directed the traffic (me and two other cars) down a windy road known as Route 9.

I have never before set tires on this road but I figured that they'd surely have someone directing traffic along this detour. I surely figured wrong. Relying on my internal navigational skills is seldom a good idea but I guessed that I was going south on 9. Hang an east on 295 (God I hope 295 hits this road) and a north on 41 and I'd be back to 20. About 20 minutes later I struck 295. This was one hell of a detour.

After this experience I realized that I could use an electronic navigator in day-to-day driving and decided that the Garmin c340 I had been coveting would soon be mine.

Long story short, a Garmin c340 is currently en route to my house. I hope they don't get lost.

P.S. As of press time, FedEx already tried to deliver my new toy once. Thank God I didn't try to pay $10 for shipping as they suggested. I ordered it yesterday afternoon and it could have been delivered this morning. That's prompt service! I should have it in my hands tomorrow after work. Hey-Oh!

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I Am the Anti Bank Robber

Friday was a day off for us here at the local powerpoint presentation factory. I used such a wondrous day to run errands, make cookies and handle my bidness. That's right you jerks, I handled my bidness, and by bidness I mean finances and other such demands. Not bidness as you're thinking.

Pervs!

Anyway, after I got the oil changed in my car, I swung by the credit union to unload a few hundred dollars in change. I had been worried about walking up to a bank with a heavy duffel bag, and my fears were met with a lobby full of nervous people. Two women even came out of an office to keep an eye on me. Finally I relieved their fears with the following statement to a teller:

I have an assload of change here. Is there anything special I have to do with it before I wait in this long line?

She told me that as long as they were rolled and I have an account there I'd be fine. Everyone else seemed to be put at ease. The poor teller who had to help me got a killer workout. We had to load up the counting trays with all of the rolls, then she had to move them to another bench for storage until they could get a cart to haul it all away. All said and done, my checking account was fattened by $462.

Plus I found a quarter on the floor, score! I pocketed that though, to be spend on something at a later time.

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Mortgage Update

You'll all be pleased to know that I've gotten absolutely nowhere with my mortgage in the last few days. After the attorney had not received the deed, I took their advice and sent a reminder e-mail. The explanation I received was "I can't sign it, it has my maiden name." Well, two weeks ago when you received the fucking thing in the mail you knew it had your maiden name, you could have said something then. Of course she "just got it the other day". No, no you didn't because they sent it 2nd day air almost three weeks ago. She also promised to call my attorney to figure out what to do.

Knowing full well that she would, in fact, not contact my attorney, I took care of that myself and was told that she was wrong. She HAS to sign it with her maiden name, then write in something like "Now Known As" and her current legal name. Apparently she never went to the Notary Public because I guess that's common knowledge to those people.

I'm running out of time with the bank and out of patience with the level of cooperation I'm getting. I was promised full cooperation and as you've all heard (albeit from only my point of view), and if this is full cooperation I'd hate to see slacking. I initiated contact for this nearly four months ago, and all I need is one fu(k!n& signature!

End of vent.

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Well, that's all I have to share with you. I hope you've enjoyed the last 200 entries, and that you'll stick around for the next 200. Hopefully by then we'll be able to share our cake with you in physical form instead of electronically. Until then, you'll have to take my word for it, this shit is the BOMB!

Over and Out,
Old Coot