Cabinets and Catfights

Good morning sunshines,

Once again the only feedback I’ve been getting has been about not having enough postings. Sah-ree is all I have to say about that. Now quit your bitchin’, haters.

Last night after work, I swung by my friendly neighborhood Ace Hardware store to pick up some screws. You see, we tried to hang the kitchen cabinets the other night but our efforts were thwarted by the inferior screws purchased from my (not-so) friendly neighborhood Home Despot. As it turns out, a screw is not a screw, and The Home Despot knows uses this knowledge to shave a milli-cent off their cost by selling ones made of the softest material they could find. Needless to say, I either stripped or broke all of them. Plus they only had slotted screws (or what most people incorrectly call “flathead” screws), which anyone who has used a screwdriver knows is the worst design for a screw-screwdriver interface known to man. You’d be better off using your hand.

I digress. Last night, aided by the friendly staff at Ace, I bought myself 21 2 ½” #10 wood screws. I asked for 20, but the lady hooked me up with an extra AT NO ADDITIONAL COST. Sweet. Compared with the box of screws from HD that was opened and probably short a few, this was a great deal. To aid in driving the screws, we pre-drilled all of the holes and waxed the screws. The wax made it WAY easier to drive the screws and I only stripped one head. I highly recommend waxing all of your screws, it just makes sense.

As of last night, the wall cabinets are up and seem to be holding well. We put in 8 screws per cabinet (instead of 4) since the wall isn’t studded with traditional 2x4s, but rather little skinny strips of wood ½” thick. My guess is that the plaster is bearing most of the weight, but with a little load-bearing caulk I should be in business. We put about half of the dishes away in case the freaking thing came crashing down in the night. It did not, so I think it might be safe to slowly increase the load until it hits maximum capacity (AKA all of the dishes). I’d hate to have all of the glasses I’ve carefully stolen from bars and restaurants over the years break in one accident.

Let me tell you, folks, these cabinets are going to improve my life in ways I can’t even imagine. Not only are they nicer looking, but they sit higher off the counter so my Kitchen-Aid stand mixer will fit. Plus once we have put all of the appliances back on the counter, there’s still going to be WAAAAYYY more space due to the relocation of the microwave and toaster over. PLACATAN! I don’t know if that’s spelled right or even a word, but it’s Spanish (or at least Dom-ish) for Booyacah!

Also, I can only assume that the ladies will be pounding on the door (now that the new cabinets are in) trying to get a piece of this. I assume it’ll sound something like this:

BAM BAM BAM … CRACK (that’s the sound of the side door giving way due to me not installing the deadbolt correctly)! RREEEEAAAAOOOOOH!!! (the sound of all the women catfighting in leopard print body suits). AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (the sound of me running to get the camera to document the fight). RREEEEAAAAOOOOOH!!! (the sound of me stepping on Nano – the real cat – while running for the camera). Then…

“Woah, ladies, calm down. There’s plenty of Old Coot to go around. Woo hoo, that tickles! Okay, I think there’s some room on the other leg. There you go.”

With that picture in your head, I must bid you adieu. Hopefully with this new and improved weblog I can post some pictures of the wall art I call cabinets.

Over and out,
Old Coot