Holy Rollers!

The title of this post is not Holy Rollers like churchies on motorcycles, but more like "Holy Smoke", but with "Rollers".

As you may have gathered from some of my recent posts, I'm becoming a cycling junkie and for a number of reasons I decided I needed a way to be able to ride during the winter

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± 7 Inches

Last night my new Kreiler Poly-Lyte Rollers were waiting for me at the side door when I got home from my ride. Having just ridden for a few hours, there was no way my ass wanted to get back into the saddle, but it's a new toy dammit. I carried the two boxes upstairs, carefully inspected the directions, gathered all the tools (one wrench) I needed and put them together. As you can see from the picture, it's a metal frame with three metal rollers and a rubber band. It's about that difficult to assemble too; 6 cap nuts with washers.

From the reviews I read, it sounded like some people had trouble assembling it, so I was on the lookout for a snag. It turns out it's just wicked easy to do, those people are just slow.

With my new toy assembled I was ready to give it a try. Because it's so difficult to get used to balancing yourself, they recommend you start in a doorway. I did that, but couldn't get onto the bike so I opted for a different doorway that I have outfitted with a pull-up bar.

Minutes later I was in the saddle and weaving all over the place (one hand on the pull-up bar). When I was looking at all of the roller choices out there on the futureweb, it seemed like the 15" wide ones would be almost overkill. Then, as I tried to balance myself, it dawned on me that I don't have ± 15 inches, I really only have ± 7 inches (the tire is about an inch wide). I can't even hold a line that tight walking or sometimes even sitting, let alone riding my bike on a round surface. Imagine balancing a quarter on its edge; not too tough. Now imagine balancing that same quarter on the edge of a dime; not so easy. The learning curve sho is steep.

What I did learn was that contrary to popular belief, you won't accelerate across the room if you do go off the side. It makes sense that if your wheels are spinning at 20+ MPH and you hit the floor that you'd go flying across the room, but in reality you don't have any forward momentum so you just end up peeling out on the floor and not going anywhere.

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I Stooped - Rant Warning

On my way to my ride yesterday I had gone about 1 mile when some genius in a pickup yelled "F*%&ing Bikers!" out the window as he passed. I gave him my standard smile and wave, ensuring he'd get no satisfaction out of it. About a mile and a half later, I was at an intersection and someone honked when the light changed. I didn't think anything of it, since the next light 100 yards ahead was also red. At the next light I stopped and when it was about to change back to green I started clicking into my pedal. Well, that a$$hole honked again. This time I whipped around, stooped to his level, and gave him a clear, concise "F&*$ YOU!"; the kind with a full beat between words. What an a$$hole! Wouldn't you know about 3/4 of the way through the intersection some other kindly gentleman in a pickup hollers "Get out of the road, f*@%ing bikers!" at me. I fired back with the middle finger. The next f^&#er who yelled something at me was getting a tire pump thrown at him.

Keep in mind that on a road bike you can accelerate from a standstill at least as quickly as a car, and I'm not in anyone's way. My taxes pay for the roads just as much as everyone else's, and in fact the no toothed meth-head who yelled at me the second time is undoubtedly more of a detriment to society. "Wipe the spray paint off your upper lip, jerk ass."

A suggestion was made that the next time someone yells something I present him with the canned ham. Just drop trou' (short for trousers) and keep riding.

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Over and Out,
Old Coot