Report from the Front Lines

Readers, I had a bit of an oversight in my last posting. Instead of adding it, I thought I would just get a new entry started to give this the attention it deserves.

Yesterday morning, I received a call from one of my field agents who was out assignment at Bob's Country Kitchen. You may recall such a restaurant from the Full of Swine portion of a previous post. To recap, Bad Jim and I ordered Farmer's Omelets which ended up being huge! Below is a paraphrased paraphasing of a conversation overheard by HECOW, on assignment. It all started out as a gentleman ordered an omelet (I will assume it was large).

Gentleman: I'll take a big ass omelet.
Waitress #1: Okay, what kind of toast would you like with that?
Gentleman: White, please.
Waitress #2: You wouldn't believe what this guy ordered last weekend. He ordered a Farmer's Omelet with everything in it.
Gentlman and Waitress #1: Everything?!?
Waitress #2: Yes, all the meats, all the vegetables. He even wanted cheese. The thing was enormous!
Gentlman and Waitress #1 (in unison): Fucking shit!
Waitress #2: He was strong as an ox, and as tall a giraffe's eye if he was an inch, I tell you. And handsome as the day is long. A finer specimen I've never seen.

At this point, two 21-year-old swimsuit models swooned to their respective deaths.

Waitress #2: And he almost finished it! Simply amazing.

Just then, another woman nearly swooned to death, but was saved by HECOW when he thrust his lap beneath the woman's head. Nice work, HECOW! I'll put you in for a commondation.

Now, I wasn't the only one to eat such an omelet, but from Waitress #2's description she was certainly talking about yours truly. And since this story is a paraphrased paraphrasing of the actual situation, some of the details may not be 100% true. But what is certain is that there was a conversation between two waitresses and a patron about my omelet.

That is all,
Old Coot