The Feline Two-Fer

Hey Cooterinos, here's the latest on my eldest cat Nano. You may recall that he has been sneezing, oozing and lethargic, so I called and made an appointment to bring him to the vet.

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Please Pass the Shoehorn

Surprise surprise, when I called yesterday morning to make an appointment she had a 4:00 opening so I jumped at the chance. That would mean leaving work early, a crying shame.

Now, Nano is a little more amply built than Vinny and although I try to be sensitive to his self-image, it's probably unhealthy and sometimes undesirable. It's really only a problem when A) he's standing on/kneading your bladder or B) you have to put him in a travel carrier. Yesterday would require the latter and I was not excited.

My initial idea was to buy a second (larger) carrier to use whenever I only had one cat to transport, reserving the smaller one for occasions when they'd both need transporting. One mention of this and JO said to hold off, that he had a dog carrier for a dog roughly the size of Vinny that he's trying to get rid of. I accepted his initial price of gratis and prepared myself mentally for the formidable task of placing a large, uncooperative cat in a small, unwelcoming carrier.

When I got home, I set to work herding Nano into the kitchen so I could start the process of trying to wrangle him into the carrier. There are a few techniques I've learned over the years; some work for some cats, none work for all cats. I'll just list them here and let your mind work out the imagery:

1. The Piledriver: Involves standing the carrier up on end with the opening facing up. You pick up the cat and lower him in head first. If you can get his arms and head in, this is a very good technique. The trick is to close the door before the cat turns around and leaps back out.

2. The Reverse Piledriver: Involves lowering the cat feet first into the carrier. For a more accommodating cat this is one of the most agreeable techniques.

3. The Waltz: Basically, the cat just waltzes on in. Good luck with this one.

4. The Sheep Humper: The same as The Waltz, only the cat needs a little (ahem) encouragement. With the carrier resting against a wall or something sturdy, you get his arms and head in and slowly encourage him in with whichever part of your body lines up with his/hers. This can be quite graphic if the alignment isn't ideal.

5. The Suitcase: Basically, this is the technique most commonly used by cat owners. After all attempts to be gentle and civil have failed you basically cram the cat in whatever way works, slamming the door shut on his tail. You should never attempt this with skin exposed or while wearing clothes you like. The cat will resist with amazing tenacity, tearing chunks of flesh off your limbs and torso.

Between the trip to the vet and the trip home, I employed all 5 techniques. I tried #3 in the hopes that it would work; it did not. At the vet he was so freaked out I literally had to pick up and shake the carrier dumping him onto the examination table. Then to make matters worse, they took his temperature.

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The Prognosis, Doctor

Well, as I expected the poor guy has a nasty combination of two viruses (virii?), that of course will require two different medications. For owner/patient confidentiality reasons I won't get into the names of his infections, but suffice it to say you would not want either one.

The first medication he has to take is what I affectionately call "Eye Goo". Basically, it's this goo that you squirt in his eye three times a day. It's easier to do that you would think, but unpleasant nonetheless.

The second medication was a bit more difficult, at least to procure. The vet only stocks the dog version, which is way too big for a cat, so they have to call it in to a real pharmacy. The good part is that you can get any flavor your cat might want; Nano wanted chicken. The receptionists fought over who wasn't going to be the one to call it in, and when I met Mr. Personality himself (that's what they called him, and it's oh so true) I was less than impressed. At the vet they told me my prescription would be ready by the time I got there, and when I got there Mr. Personality informed me that it takes 24 hours to prepare. Without looking up from the pills he was counting, he added "It'll be $27. Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?"

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So that's where we are with that. This morning I got to give Nano his eye goo and Vinny his last (fingers crossed) dose of antibiotics. Let's see if we can get these cats healthy for at least a little while. I think that considering the events of the last month, I should be a real contender for Cat Dad of the Year. Fortunately, Cat Dad of the Year runs October to September so everything I've done has been in CDY 08.

Over and Out,
Old Coot