Encumbered by Idjuts

Hey urrbody, Old Coot giving you a fix in '06, with no tricks.

Okay, that was dumb. Thanks for not immediately closing your browser after that lame intro. Today I wanted to holler atchall about some of my experiences yesterday and perhaps a few thoughts I have rambling around in my mind.

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On Sale for 25% More

Being a AAA member, I was privy to a sale at the local Reebok Outlet where members receive 40% off the lowest price on an item. This of course was followed by all of the loopholes like prices ending in .95, percent off discounts and so on.

As I perused the store I was disappointed to see that everything was on sale, meaning I couldn't use my bigger and better AAA discount. I kept being drawn to these fleece jackets on 40% OFF LOWEST TICKETED PRICE rack when it dawned on me that the 40% discount already applied to these items was the same discount I'd get through AAA. I tried one on and it was oh so comfy; and the price was equally comfy. The $19.99 price tag meant I'd get this bad boy for $12.00.

After browsing the entire store, I brought my one item up to the counter to check out. The cashier scanned the tag and demanded $24.99. I asked him about the discount and he told me it was 40% off; the original price was $45. Not trying to sound like a jerk I told him it was priced at $19.99, which he denied. I showed him the price tag and he kept pointing to the register, telling me that the sale price is $24.99. I reinforced the fact that the sale sign clearly states the item should be 40% OFF LOWEST TICKETED PRICE, and that the lowest ticketed price on the item is $19.99. He was confused.

Finally the manager came over and took over my situation. He punched in whatever manager override codes he needed and rang me up for $12. Sweet, a $45 fleece for $12, and it's wicked comfy. As I was leaving they were pulling the rest of the fleeces off the rack due to mispricing. Ha ha, I WIN!

Afterwards I stopped at the Saucony Outlet to check out their deals. The Clearance rack had shirts marked down from $25 to $20. What the hell kind of clearance pricing is that? Nothing for me, thank you.

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Speed Demons

Last night was supposed to be Track Workout Night, but my track partner had family in town so I was left to do my own thing. I decided to do some fartleks (go ahead and laugh), which is simply running fast for some distance, then slower, then fast, then slower, lather, rinse repeat. You just pick a landmark on the side of the road and run fast until you get to it, then you run slower until you reach some other random landmark. I used lit streetlights as landmarks, which posed a problem.

As you may or may not have noticed, city streetlights are seldom all on at the same time. There are always some that are either burned out, busted, non-existent, or nonfunctional for some other reason. I decided that only lit streetlights counted when I picked a distance to run fast. Another anomaly you may or may not have noticed is that streetlights sometimes turn off when you approach them. This is very apparent when you can't rest until you reach the next lit streetlight, and they keep turning off as you get closer. It's like when your mom is teaching you to swim and she keeps moving away from you.

Anyway, when I got home I uploaded my run data from my watch to the PC and got to analyzing my run. Two words for you: Damn I'm Wicked Fast. Apparently I'm not very good at gauging my pace, and I was hauling ass for each of the fast sections. Keep in mind that you aren't supposed to be sprinting during fast sections, you're running at some predetermined pace (5k race pace or 10k race pace were my choices last night). At one point I was cruising at under a 4:00/mile pace, it was 16 mph to be exact. WHAT!

Plus I was full of shish kebobs.

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Why so Ghetto?

Why is it that so many people aren't content to just be poor, they also have to be ghetto? I was at one of my favorite places to buy irregular clothing, Marshalls, when I realized I was surrounded by the trashiest white trash this side of the Mason Dixon. Let me just say that I have no problem with people not having a lot of money, I don't have a whole lot myself. Yes, I probably make more than a lot of people, but I'm not looking down on anyone.

Except for trashy ghetto scumbags.

Why is it that I can't shop in peace without having some crustache-sporting, no shoelace-tying, XXL G-Unit sweatshirt-wearing, greasy-hairdon't-sporting, armpit-stinking, no-self-respect-having dirtbags running around throwing clothes on the floor and wrestling with eachother? These were highschool or college age kids too, not little kids. At one point one of them almost ran into me, which would have rendered my jacket a total loss and I'd have to burn it at my nearest convenience to rid it of the stink.

Pretty soon I'm going to stop shopping at those kinds of stores if I have to deal with those lowest common denominator types. How do you people procreate?

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That's it, I'm outta here. I need to sanitize my hands just thinking about those losers.

Over and Out,
Old Coot