Good morning loyal readers! It's another rainy one here in the Berkshires, so I guess it's business as usual. Yesterday was dry despite threats of thunderstorms. These weather guys are getting wicked lazy these days; they just put "70 with a 30% chance of scattered thunderstorms" up for a week and go on vacation. I'll tell you what, once I get a kayak it had better be "80 and sunny with a 0% chance of precipitation" at least 5 days out of every week. Wishful thinking I know, but a fella can dream.
Last night's mountainbiking excursion was another winner. My new tires performed beautifully although they did pick up a lot of mud. The new clipless pedals were a real treat as well, although I'm still working out some of the finer details. And by finer details I mean how to get out of them without falling to my death.
The first stop I made was an eye-opener because I wasn't paying attention. Once I realized I was attached to the bike, I quickly recovered and my foot popped right out. The next few times I was A-OK, but realized I was always unclicking with my right foot. That wasn't going to do me any good in an emergency when I needed to unclick my left foot first, so I decided to concentrate on using that foot as much as possible.
The first time I tried to dismount with my left foot was on a rocky uphill where I was waiting for someone to catch up. "Let me just rest my foot here on this here ..." SLAM! I broke my fall with some rocks to the forearm, but no real damage. It was a real slow-mo fall.
Lesson learned: remember to twist your foot, don't try to slide it off the pedal.
The next time I tried to stop was at another rocky intersection, with similar results. After that one, I practiced a few times to get the feel for twisting out of the pedal. "There, I think I've got it".
I didn't have it. Lesson not learned.
At the end of the ride I crossed the street into the parking lot, right up behind my car. As I slowed to a halt I gently (read roughly) placed (slammed) my forearm on the rocky ground. For those of you who weren't counting, that's three times I plummetted to the rocky ground - each time from a standstill. Real smooth move, Ex-Lax.
I will say that I had a couple of close calls in the mud, and the pedals actually made it easier to pull myself out. With your feet firmly attached to the bike, you get power throughout the entire rotation of the pedal, which means on the upstroke too. Grinding your way through mud and rocks just got a while lot easier.
Oh, I also climbed my way over a huge downed tree for the first time. Let me tell you, that's fun. Where you would normally have to stop, dismount (or fall on your forearm) and walk the bike around/over the log I am now able to just ride right over that sumbitch. I have to give credit where credit is due though. The new tires added about 1/4 of my new log clearing capability, the pedals another 1/4, my stunning good looks added the third 1/4 and the raw power unleashed by my chiseled physique gave me the last 1/4. The new shorts probably added a little, but I think their contribution was that they kept me arse from tiring, plus they really contributed to the third quarter - my stunning good looks.
The caterpillars are STILL out there, but not nearly as bad as last time. During one of the more technical downhills (and by technical I mean downhill and turning) I caught a hitchhiker to the face. The bastard dangled from my visor and blocked my view of the trail. Shaking my head side-to-side served only to slide my helmet into an uncomfortable, view-blocking position as well. I was forced to stop (but not fall). Jebus, when will you take these devil-spawned air mines away?
OH, I also forgot to mention the kickass views we saw. Up at the "top" we climbed a hill and you could see clear to NY in one direction and clear to somewhere else in the other. I wish I had my camera (although it would have certainly been broken with all the falling). Berkshire mountains, why must you be so scenic?
Well, since nothing in this world is free I would like to request that anyone who enjoys reading about my (mis)adventures send a monetary donation to me. I'm also willing to accept a kayak (a late model Pungo 1200 is preferred), kayaking equipment (also only good stuff) and/or a Barrecrafters US-212 kayak attachment for my roofrack. These donations are not tax deductible at this time, and never will be unless I become a real charity case, but don't let that deter you. If you're sending money, please just send cash in small bills (no larger than a $20 bill, but lots of them) so we can keep in under the table.
You've heard it here folks. And with that, I'm gone.
Over and out,
Old Coot
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Once, Twice, Three Times a Klutz
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Devil-Day Update
Today is June 6th, 2006 (6/6/06) so be careful what you do. That's all I'm gonna say about that. What I am gonna say is that I wrote an awesome post yesterday only to have it lost in the ether somewhere. I stopped writing my blogs in MS Word and then pasting them because Blogspot seemed to be failproof. I had the whole thing finished yesterday, was proofreading it, went to lunch, came back and the freaking thing was gone! BALLS! So there you have it. Last night I went to the Red Cross for a good old-fashioned blood donation. Actually, it's new-fashioned because they have some fancy new techonology almost every time I go. I think I set a personal best with 5 minutes between the time she tapped that "juicy vein" (as she called it) and I finished with my pint. Damn, I should have stayed for another at that rate. A few freshly made cookies and some shortbread later and I was good to go. When I got home, I had my new bike toys waiting for me. Instead of eating dinner, I installed my new pedals and tires (or tyres as you wacky Brits call them), adjusted my brakes practiced clipping and unclipping into/out of the pedals. I'm a little nervous about clipless pedals because you are ATTACHED to the bike. I'm deathly afraid of breaking my shoulder or arm or neck. Once you get used to them, I guess they're a breeze but there is a definite learning phase. I also tried on my new cycling shorts. I hate to say it, but I think they're too loose. Is it possible for cycling shorts to be too loose? Historically, they aren't known for their baggy fit. Plus these fit like "mom-pants", halfway up my torso. I think that's so you don't sport plumber's crack while you're riding, but they looked goofy when I first put them on. Today will be the maiden voyage for my new gear, how exciting! Since I gave blood yesterday, I didn't want to push it by riding my bike or running, so I went for an afterdinner stroll (I eventually ate a sandwich). It was fairly uneventful save the rottweiller who took a fancy to me. He was in a fenced-in yard, but could have easily hopped the fence and eaten me. After that, I kept my eyes peeled for an escape route should I encounter any more dogs. I hate dogs! Maybe once I take up kayaking I can relax; I doubt there are a lot of loose dogs in the lakes around here. After my walk, I sat down with some ice cream and watched "The New Adventures of Old Christine", starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus ("Elaine" from Seinfeld). That show is really pretty good and I'm not ashamed to say it. I think Julia has broken the Seinfeld curse and has landed herself a successful role in a sitcom. Well folks, that's all I have for you today. I'll let you know what happened with the ride tonight so you can enjoy the out-of-doors through me. Over and Out, Old Coot
I'll summarize yesterday's post, but you won't get the links to pictures of pterodactyls or descriptions of "the new chick" who ran with us Sunday. Okay, I did put in the link. Here's what I did on Sunday:
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Don't Give Me No Flack
How's is shaking homebizzles and homegizzles? I'm sitting here in bed typing because my run was cancelled this morning due to rain. Normally, running in the rain is okay - and I still might go by myself - but it was really coming down and would have just been a chore. Considering how late I was up last night, I was kind of glad to be able to stay home and chill.
Last night I went out with the 'COWs and Snicky. We grabbed some good ole dinner at The Heritage, threw some darts, played some foosball and headed out to see a band. This place was jam packed with crunchies! As you walked in, you were alerted to the presence of crunchy types by the incense burning at the door. Aside from crunchies, there were gads of jail bait, and these hoes knew it. Why is teen pregnancy such a problem in Berkshire County? Because these sluts are out getting drunk with hippies. A few were easy on the eyes, but you can't tell how old they are without asking for a few forms of government ID.
Another wonderful addition to the scene was a gentleman I dubbed "Flack Jacket". He's also known as "Parachute Dude", "Helicopter Guy" and "That Crazy Dude from La Cos". For those of you who might not know this fine upstanding member of society, he can ALWAYS be seen wearing full camo, a bullet-proof vest and a huge knife strapped to his hip. Occasionally - probably when the shit hits the fan - he'll be sporting the helicopter pilot helmet. Yeah, wearing the helmet at a bar, on the street or even at the park. WAAACCKKKOOOOO!
So anyway, this guy is definitely unstable. He's got that look like at any moment he's gonna break that empty beer bottle he's been pretending to drink for the last three hours on the bar and start slicing some jugulars. I kept my eye on him, but did NOT make eye contact.
Other than the jail bait and Flack Jacket the place was pretty chill. The band was your typical local hippie jam band, with a little added funk. They put on a good show and a good time was had by all. We hung for a few hours then hit the road for some chicken wings.
As we pulled into the roundabout at Patrick's (not to be confused with a proper traffic circle), everyone scoped for a parking spot. BAM, backup lights went on so I stopped and put my car in reverse. As the other person pulled out, someone bush leagued my spot. The drunk ladies in the car felt they should holler at the guy who was certainly going to the same place that we were, never a good choice on a Friday night. Someone was gonna catch a shiv to the ribs. We parked on the next street, went in and got our order on.
A few minutes later, the guy came over to apologize and buy the next round. He insisted. Ahh, a decent person makes things right. Buddy, if you read this (and I'm sure you don't), thanks again.
That was about it. Everyone (save yours truly) was drunk as a skunk and had a good time. My faith in humanity was restored, and Flack Jacket didn't knife anyone. A perfect evening in the Pitt.
Over and out,
Old Coot
Friday, June 02, 2006
I Told You So
Boy, I had some real ball-busters for comments yesterday. As promised, I re-googled the word 'Placatan' and it came up with the picture you see here. If you would like a closer look, feel free to click on it. My conclusion on this matter: PlacaTAN!
I don't have a lot to talk about today so I'll see what I can do to come up with a few items of monology.
Item 1: I ordered some stuff for my bike yesterday. I've been saving for a road bike for a long time now, and since I've started mountainbiking I haven't found a need for one. So I broke down and bought myself some toys to make riding more enjoyable. For starters, I got some clipless pedals. Those are the ones that - despite the name 'clipless' - clip into your shoes. With the power biking I've been doing, my feet keep slipping off the pedals leaving me with huge gashes down the back of my leg (see the other day's post).
I also noticed when I started riding this year that my tires are pretty shot. There seems to be a good amount of tread left, but the rubber is cracking in what looks like your basic case of dry rot. This is a recipe for disaster in my book, plus they aren't very good tires to begin with. So I got some hot new tires for my riding pleasure, both come highly rated and are specific for front/rear wheels. Neat!
Lastly, I ordered some shorts. I have a pair of cycling shorts with the baggy look. They work fine and dandy, but are just too much short on hot days; the two layers is just too much. So we'll see how these other ones work out, and if they're decent I'll consider some more.
Since it's now taken me two days to put this post together, I'll add that I after work yesterday (Friday) I went and picked up some shoes to go with the new pedals. You need actual cycling shoes, so I scooped up a pair at Arcadian Shop. They were slightly more than I was looking to spend, but I've had the money for so long I figured I might as well spend it. Plus I have a feeling there is a difference between the cheap, entry level shoes and the better, more expensive shoes. Now I just have to wait until Monday when my shipment gets in and I'll be riding in style. Booyeah!
Item 2: These mosquito bites are out of control. I itch from head to toe. I have bites all over my legs, arms, back, even some on my forehead, head-head, next to my eye, the back of my neck, e'erwhere. At least the sunburn has gone away so itching those isn't a double-edged sword.
Item 3: I have bruises all over that I don't recall getting. Now that my drinking days are over, I can't blame that. My only guess is that I'm so diesel I can withstand a beating without even flinching. My tender, juicy skin on the other hand bruises up in response. Damn, why must my skin be so luscious?
That's all I got for ya. Let's hope this rain ends soon so I can get back to work on my porch.
Over and out,
Old Coot
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Plagued by Plagues
Good morning comraderinos and comraderinas. I think the Northeast has been feeling a little ignored what with all the hurricanes and whatnot going on in other parts of the country. Then, to top it off we had that weak ass showing of a winter (with which I was very happy). So this spring we're being inundated with whopping thunderstorms. And caterpillar storms. It's like two of the seven plagues at once.
I rode my bike into work yesterday despite claims of afternoon thunderstorms. They said the same thing on Tuesday so I drove, but it didn't rain until later so yesterday I said "eff it" and rode in. It was a good call, as the rain didn't come until almost 9:00 and even then it was mostly off to the Wesside. But I'm not here to talk about thunderstorms, I'm here to complain about those freaking caterpillars.
Yesterday's run in Kirvin Park started around Humid:30. I rode home from work, changed into some yardwork clothes, dug a hole and freed that poor rock from it's shallow grave. You may recall the rock that has been the bane of my existence the last few days. This bastard was just low enough that I couldn't get two hands on it, but not deep enough that I could just ignore it. Yesterday I gave up on trying to keep my digging neat and tidy and just went to town on that ish. I was able to tip the rock up on end and put a steel cable around it. After a few tries, I managed to hoist that sumbitch out of the hole.
PlacaTAN, you rocky bastard.
After that, it was pretty smooth sailing. I had to loosen the dirt with the pinch bar since it got pretty clay-ey towards the bottom, but that was a welcome reprieve from the ass-whooping the rock gave me. When all was said and done, I had spent about an hour digging yesterday. That was just enough time to get soaked head to toe in sweat, expend all of my energy, and put me in a foul mood (the heat/humidity always seems to get to me). I cooled down in the basement while cleaning up and was good to go.
Interjection: if you Google 'placatan', you'll find that I am the number one hitter. That's what I'm talking about, bitches.
At 5:00 my alarm went off signaling it was time to get a move on. I changed my clothes, hopped on my bike and shuffled off to Kirvin Park. We have a strict 10-minute rule where, you guessed it, if you're more than 10 minutes late you get left. Not wanting to get left behind I hustled over there. Let me tell you, I was real glad I spent so much energy getting to the park (note my sarcasm).
There were two new (to me) women on yesterday's run. As it turned out, one of them lives approximately one stone's throw from my house. And get this, her house is the same as mine. Somehow I have to get myself invited over there to scope the joint out. I imagine hers is better, but I secretly hope that it's dated and boring. Plus she's hot (but married) and has a 27-yr-old sister. I'll be building that porch with my shirt and pants off now!
Okay, so the run was absolutely miserable for the first 5 miles. Being in the woods, I had those damned caterpillars with which to contend, along with their associated rappelling lines. But in addition there were roughly two gazillion mosquitos. They pretty much left you alone, but god forbid you had to slow to a walk or stop and wait for people to catch up, they swarmed like piranhas on a sirloin steak. Plus, my skin is so tender and juicy they had a waiting list to dine at the Coot Cafe.
Somehow I was always up front which meant I always had to stop and wait at intersections. Between the heat, humidity, caterpillar strings and mosquitos I was nearing my wit's end. I tried not to complain too much because nobody likes a whiner, but every once in a while I just had to let out a scream to vent. Fortunately the downhill section was much less buggy and much less uphill so I was able to simmer down (Summer, Donna) on the way out. Ahhhh.
After that, it was into the shower then off to the G-rocery store. My fridge looked like your stereotypical bachelor's fridge, minus the Coors Lite and moldy cheese. The freezer is jam packed, but the fridge had next to nothing. By the time I got home and sat down to dinner it was 9:00 and I was B-E-A-T. I picked up some California Rolls (sushi) for dinner knowing there was no way I was going to cook after shopping. They tasted delicious and I washed them down with some delicious milk. Then I jacked up some Soy Delicious icecream. A perfect cooldown for a perfect day!
Over and out,
Old Coot
