Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I *heart* LLBean

HO LEE CRAP! It's been a longylong time since I last hollered at you. My sincerest apologies, but I just didn't much feel like blogging. I was in a funk-rut but for the last couple of days I've been thinking "Hey, I need to blog this" so here I am, blogging "this".

LLBean, more like LLBomb

For those of you out there in Readerland who order stuff from LLBean, you may be familiar with the benefits of using their credit card. First of all, you get free shipping, free monogramming and every once in a while they send you gift cards and so on. Well, as of July 1st, their old card is no good and you have to get the new card, with the added benefit of free return shipping. Booyeah!

So first thing in the morning on July 1st I sat down at my trusty computerator and signed up for the new card. I was itching to make my first purchase on it, and had something that I not only wanted, but absolutely needed. This is an item I literally would not be able to continue living without. I practically had a prescription for it I need it so badly. "What is it?" you may ask. The answer, a bug screen tent for camping, so mosquitoes don't bite me while I'm eating.

Anywho, after days and days of waiting for my approved card to arrive in the mail I said "Fuck it, I'll just order it and hope for the best". I placed the order and sho-nuff did not receive free shipping. I hopped on my mobile telephony device and spoke with one of the nicest customer service people on the earth. They come from Maine, The Way Life Should Be, and I swear it's like calling your mom (your own mom, not like when you call someone else's mom, except of course you mom's mom). They know exactly what you're talking about, have access to your entire account and then start making suggestions like:

"Would it be okay if I just waived the shipping fee and credited your account?
"How about we refund your money for that, sir? And I'd like to send you a $10 coupon for your troubles."
"That bag your mom gave you in 3rd grade has a scuff on the bottom? That won't do. Don't bother sending it back we'll just put a replacement in today's mail for you. Which color would you prefer?"

You get my drift. The customer service mother has the power to solve all of your LLBean related problems right then and there. The woman I spoke with told me my order wasn't showing up yet but that she'd keep an eye out for it and credit me the shipping when she saw it. There was no need for me to stay on the line. I believed her and you know what? She came through.

You get off the phone and think "Damn, that woman was nice as hell", then feel guilty for cursing, or even thinking curse words.

LLBean's Shipping Policy

As if free shipping wasn't already the bee's knees, the shit is quick to boot. My order was processed yesterday at 4:49PM (Eastern Time, of course) and at 6:00AM this morning the thing was on the truck and out for delivery. Keep in mind that I don't live in Maine. Here's my theory...

You place an order and it's assigned to a customer service mom. She sets down her knitting, stokes the fire real quick, and has one of her order processing children take care of it right away if they want some of that pie she has cooling on the window sill. She watches out the window of her log cabin customer service cubicle and makes sure her order processing child does in fact put your order on the truck immediately. Her oldest son drives the UPS truck and he wants to be back for supper too, so he hurries my order off to the next UPS distribution center along with some of yesterday's blackberry pie to bribe the UPS guys there.

After supper (undoubtedly a stew of some sort), the children are rewarded with some of the fresh baked apple pie, topped with vanilla ice cream made in one of those ice cream making balls that they sell in their catalog. Customer service mom smiles in approval as all is well in her world.

In conclusion, I am thrilled with LLBean and the way they treat their customers. Camping this weekend is supposed to be rain-free, but if it isn't we'll have a nice tent to keep us dry while we eat hot dogs and play cards.

If all goes well, my blog hiatus will be over and I'll start posting regularly again. Of course, tomorrow I'll be camping so you may have to wait until Monday or Sunday night.

Over and Out,
Old Coot

1 comment:

Abbey said...

Ah, it was well worth the wait. Great imagery, my boy. And that's why 9 out of 10 of Dad's birthday presents hail from Freeport, ME.

I don't think "Items From Our Catalog" has as good customer service, though.

"Something inside of me just said 'Hey, wait a minute, I want to beat him.' and I just took off." -Pre