Word of the Day: Uncouth

Maybe it's the warm spring air blowing through my house, or the fantastic curry vegetable leftovers from dinner the other night (man I love my veggies), or the uplifting music blasting on my hi-fi, I don't know - but whatever it is I am in a fantastic mood.

I just had a ballbuster of a run, where I got a few miles from home and my legs started sending my brain the old "... ---...". That's S.O.S. if you don't know. I can't blame my legs though, it could have had something to do with the fact that I pushed myself a little too hard yesterday or that I drank a huge chocolate milk right before I went out. Oops, who knew it wasn't the same as Gatorade. Of course, after I had made the decision to head back and call it, I got my legs back and I was Cah-Roosing.

Enough about running, I'm sure most of you don't care. My plans for the evening are fairly simple: finish dinner, buy some dessert, buy a huge latte, eat the aforementioned dessert, watch some quality comedic programming, col' chill, go to bed. HECOW, I'm counting on you to provide my evening with hilarity (supplemental to the televised hilarity) and debauchery. I'll bring the bauchery, you debaucherize it!

And another thing, the word uncouth is extremely hilarious to me. One day during lunch with The Lunch Crew, we decided that this word was funny. Partly because only snooty people use it, but mainly because the only way to define it is "Having no couth", which lends itself directly to "Devoid of all couth". Genius. Pure genius.

The next time you go to say the word uncouth, feel free to tell people what it means; devoid of all couth.

Placatan, bitches!

Old Coot has spoken.

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Lawncare and egg salad

Yes, that was me. I was that lawn nerd out watering my lawn yesterday. But I swear, I had a perfectly good reason. Really! I'll explain...

After work yesterday, I picked up some peat moss at the local Home Despot. I also almost bought "The Lazy Man's Garden", a package of different seeds with instructions on how to arrange them for the horticulturally inept. I'm no green thumb, but I don't like people thinking I'm lazy so I didn't get it. Plus, I'd like to get take a few moments to pick out the right package if I were to get it, and yesterday the clock was ticking. Anyway, I bought my peat moss and hit the road.

When I got home, I quickly changed into shorts and a t-shirt (YES!) and headed back out. I put down some fresh grass seed to fill in some of the thin spots, ran the fertilizer spreader over the entire lawn and proceeded to spread the peat moss. I had three bags, but that was gone in next to no time. Toward the end, I saw the end of the last bag closing in on me and, using a new technique, started spreading it faster to make sure it would last. It didn't but I covered most of the bare spots.

Next, I had to water in the fertilizer. It comes in these little granules, so to make sure it gets down into the soil, you have to water it. Plus, the peat moss is wicked dusty and I wanted to make sure that stayed put. So there I am, April 11th, watering my lawn. Some people are still driving around with studded tires and I'm out there with garden hose in hand, watering the lawn like a damn fool. Ahhh, me love me lawn.

One of these days I need to get my hands on a burning barrel to get rid of all the branches in my backyard. Normally I would just burn them in my firepit, but there's a lot and I want them GONE. Every year I have to deal with all of the branches and whatever other nonsense is scattered about the yard (old kitchen cabinets, old bathroom vanities, a countertop, moulding, linoleum scraps, etc.) for the first two months of summer and this year I do not want that. Give me a good afternoon of burning and I can be DONE with that shit.

After that, I whipped up some DELICIOUS egg salad on toast. I put sliced green olives in it, and man oh man was that good. Some sliced red and green bell peppers on the side with a dipping sauce and I was in business. No, it wasn't anything extravagant but I was working in the yard all afternoon. Plus I haven't been to Sam's Club in a while and I'm pretty much out of everything. There's some ground beef in the freezer, but I'm on a quest to eliminate red meat from my diet. JD, pork is not red meat, so I can still have roasts. I don't have any roasts, but once I get some, I can have them.

And finally, why didn't anyone tell me this Sunday is Easter? I got an e-mail from my mother asking if I had any plans for the weekend. I thought it was just small-type, but then she went on to talk about Easter and I put two and two together. Ab, don't think just because you're in Japan you don't have to remind me of these things. See, I have become accustomed to my sister calling to see if I want to ride out to Buffalo with her. That serves as a reminder to me that it's either Mother's Day, Father's Day, someone's birthday or a holiday. Now I have to remember these things myself (which I usually do, just when it's too late).

Anyway, work's calling. I holler at all y'all later.

Over and out,
Old Coot

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I have "The Knack"

I need to stop making grandiose claims on the interweb, because I'm not what you would call a "closer". I mentioned yesterday that I was going to do all sorts of lawncare after work. And I had every intention of following through with that plan. That is, until something better came along. I ended up going for a run where I was forced once again to describe what it is I do for a living.

Now, people think "Oh, you're an engineer. You work in the defense industry. That must be so exciting, getting to build cool stuff all the time." When I try not to dash their hopes and dreams of living vicariously through my job, I find that I can't actually describe what it is I do. Not that I have some legal obligation to keep my mouth shut for fear of being tried for Treason. Nope, I don't know anything that could be useful to anyone other than the average Microsoft Office user.

You see, what we do is often called Powerpoint Engineering. And engineering is not as cool as they make it look on TV. Combine that with being a military contractor and you take something mildly boring and introduce all of the overhead associated with government work (think red tape) and sometimes you want to shoot yourself in the face. But then one day you actually get to see something you've designed and you're good for another 6 months.

Which brings me to my point: there should be a politically correct term for "engineer"! People have the wrong idea about us, and it's high time we get a better reputation. Sure, there are some extra power nerds out there who hang on to their slide rules and pocket protectors, but the rest of us are pretty cool guys. I suppose I should use the word "people", but there are so few women in the business, "guys" is a safe enough approximation. Not only do we make great money (okay, no we don't) but we also understand how almost everything works. We have what's called "The Knack". And if we don't already know it, we can figure it out pretty quickly. And for those out there who can't do that, they know they can just ask me and I'll tell them. Yes, we're handy sons-of-bitches to have around. So people, cut us a freaking break.

We were tossing ideas around the tri-cube area today and the best idea (or only idea) that came up was "stud". While that surely describes yours truly, it's not a broad enough description to cover all the nerdy-looking dudes. I have some of my best engineers on the job, hopefully we can come up with something. I encourage all of you in Readerland to write in with suggestions.

But keep them nice, lest I should smack you with my slide rule!

Over and out,
Old Coot

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I need Homer's Spine-o-cylinder

Good afternoon. Today is Monday and I'm doing my damndest to make sure nobody can claim I have a Case of the Mondays. I do not, so don't try and say I do. If it weren't for this little thing I have to do at work today, I would have taken the day off. I have lawncaring that needs to be done, a garage that needs reorganizing, a lawnmower that either needs a new blade or I have to sharpen the old one, a plant that needs repotting, a dozen cookies that need eating, a gallon of milk that needs drinking and I wouldn't mind getting started on fixing the rock wall next to my driveway. But, since work is once again getting in the way of my good time I'm going to complain about it.

Yesterday I got out, bought some groceries, then set to work thatching the lawn. I started this project about a week ago and only quit because it got dark. I had a beautiful day ahead of me, so I got to work circa noon. Let me tell you, thatching is nothing like traditional raking. It's a real ballbuster of a chore. It took me about 4.5 hours to finish the job and I think I generated 7 huge bags of stuff to take to the compost joint. I'm not living on any massive estate either, I have no idea how I can get that much material out of my lawn, but I did.

My goal today is to pick up some peat moss, lay down some seed and starter fertilizer and cover it with the aforementioned peat moss. Of course, I'll need to water it in so the moss doesn't blow away (as it's prone to do) which is another favorite lawncare job of mine. Basically, I like every aspect of lawning with the exception of bagging up stuff I've raked. Raking okay - bagging not okay.

After I finished thatching, I went inside to just chill the fuck out. And what can be more relaxing that sitting on your favorite recliner with a fire crackling, a pair of cats and a soothing movie? Nothing! So I popped in my current favorite relaxation flick - 8 Mile - and got a roaring fire going. Of course, in the meantime Nano made himself comfy in my spot, and not being one to disturb a comfy cat I "shared" the chair with him. Basically, I got the edge of the seat and just layed back over him. He didn't budge.

So there I sat for nearly 1.5 hours until I had to stoke the fire. In the meantime, my aching back molded to the shape of a prostrate feline, which required that it kink in a most unnatural place. When I attempted to get up, I had to summon every ounce of strength in my body to not fall back down, crushing Nano. A few bends and twists and my spine cracked back into place. Aahh!

After the movie, I whipped up a batch of cookies, had some dinner and sat back down to finish my pre-bedtime resting. That God that Spiderman was on, lest I should have to watch The War at Home. For the record, I do not care for that show in the least. I let the fire die out, cleaned myself up and went to bed.

Good times.

Over and out,
Old Coot

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So...tired...can't...function

Man, something has bummed me the eff out today. I was riding a nice high for the past week or so, but today something came crashing down. I didn't do anything differently, perhaps it's the lack of sleep catching up with me or the planetary alignment. I know this morning I had next to no energy for my run, which subsequently went two hours and fifteen minutes. Man those guys don't quit! I had to take a nap this afternoon, which the cats ensured wouldn't be as restful as I would have liked. Eh, they needed the attention anyway.

Tomorrow I'm going to sleep in as late as I want, eat pancakes for breakfast and see where the day takes me. I've got an idea or two of where I'd like it to take me, but we'll see.

Weak post? Yup. My A-Game is on sabbatical, and I'm running on fumes. Send some good vibes my way tomorrow and we'll see if I can't get back on top.

Later players,
Old Coot

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