One More Thing

The last few weeks I've been talking some smack at work in the realm of facial hair. For those of you who don't know me in the real world, I am follicly challenged about the face, head and ankles. If I undertake a new facial theme it takes serious dedication because any mistake takes months to undo. Well, the latest has been a real leap of faith...

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Introducing the Speed 'Stache

All winter I have been sporting the A-Beard, and as the weather has been slowly showing signs of spring I've been preparing to return to the Power 'Tee. As you may recall, the Power 'Tee is just an ordinary goatee, but more powerful. What makes it so powerful? you may ask. The answer is simple: It just is.

This winter I read a little about a runner named Steve Prefontaine, watched a movie about his short but influential life (isn't that always the case?) and came to one simple conclusion: his mustache made him really fast.

All this time I've been streamlining my facial hair with the Power 'Tee, when instead of more Power what I've really needed was more Speed. So last night while I was shaving my head I took the trimmers to my face as well, and what's left is the Speed 'Stache.

"But Old Coot, aren't mustaches stupid looking?" you may ask. The answer: "Yes, they are." Your response: "Won't that mean you look stupid too?" My answer: "Yes, very much so. But I'll also be faster."

Other concerns people have had include:

Other person's concern: Dude, you're never gonna get any chicks with a stupid mustache.
My response: Which is different how?
Other person's concern: Mustaches get food and boogers caught in them.
My response: That is true. The A-Beard and Power 'Tee have the same issues, but I get by.
Other person's concern: Mustaches suck.
My response: You suck.

Of course, I don't take myself very seriously which allows me to do all sorts of Rick Dickulous (5 Brownie Points for the reference, Ab you're automatically disqualified) things and sporting a mustache is no different. The best part is that I get to laugh whole heartedly each and every time I pass a mirror, shiny car or greasy forehead. So let's see if I can rock the Speed 'Stache successfully for at least a month. And who knows, maybe I'll be recruited by a time-traveling 70's porn director or the writers of Reno 911 (is that still on?).

Until then friends, I'll just keep on keepin' on.

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Oh yeah, once the folks at work get a gander at my performance enhancing mustachioed grill I'll post some pics. Until then, this puppy is only viewable in first person.

For more information about other sub-30 gentlemen sporting mustaches, please visit Glorius (sic) Mustache

Over and Out,
Old Coot