Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Out of the Office Preply

Good morning urryone. This is going to be my last entry for a little while as I'll be on vacation sans computer. I might have access here and there, but I wouldn't bet on it if I were you. I'm not bringing my laptop so I'd have to borrow someone else's and I'd rather just read a book by the pool instead. Where am I going, you ask?

I'll be sunning myself poolside in Las Vegas by 11:30 tomorrow morning. Ahhhhhhhh! While most people go out there for the gambling, "free" drinks and naked dancers, I'm going out there to sit by the pool and read a book. Oh, and also for a wedding. My homebizzle and homegizzle from AZ are getting hitched and they thought I might like to witness it. I would, and I will.

Y'all know how I like to tell stories, and how I specifically like to tell stories about other people. The best man is incredibly shy about speaking publicly (so they say), so they asked Old "Windbag" Coot to say a few words. I hope they paid extra for the reception hall cuz I can jaw for hours. I'm actually not that comfortable speaking in front of a crowd, but once I get going I'm sure I'll be fine. Maybe I'll make a few mental notes before I head up to wing it. Here are a few:

1. Embarass the groom.
2. Embarass the bride.
3. Say something funny, but not embarassing.
4. Tell everyone how much these two mean to me, blah blah blah.
5. Wish them well.

I think the key is to end on a real tear-jerker. That seems to be the standard finishing for a toast these days, and since I'm no toastmaster I'll probably follow suit. It's hard to say until I get up there; I'll either get on a roll or I'll flounder and resort to making armpit fart noises. I'd say it's a 50/50 shot either way.

Speach TrailerI hope you two don't have a made-up story of how you met that you told your parents, because that's the quasi-embarassing funny thing I'm gonna tell. The way you met seems innocent enough, but I'm going to Old-Cootize it and hopefully make it good. Don't worry, the embarassing part is not what you may be thinking.

Who Put the Bride in Charge?

The bride sent out an agenda detailing what everyone will be doing for the duration, and I don't mean just the wedding part. She has me scheduled to pee at 8:13 PST on Thursday morning. If I can't perform, I have to hold it until 11:48. I better drink some water before I go to bed to make sure I have to go.

What I didn't see on the schedule is where I get to go to Red Rocks National Park to run trails. I'm pretty sure that was on the unwritten agenda, I best get to do it. I even picked out a trail called "Turtlehead Peak" to entice the fart joke humorists to join. Turtlehead Peak is not an easy trail so we probably won't do it, but it's just fun to say. I've got a "Turtlehead Peak"ing out.

Now that I think about it, I should get myself a waterbottle holder doohickey for this trip. I don't run with water around here, but it isn't hot or dry, and if you're really thirsty you can just take a sip from one of the streams you have to hop across. Out in the desert, they don't have fancy waterways running hither and thither, you have to bring your own H2O. Damn, one more thing to buy. But check this out...

I went into Staples last night after work to buy an SD memory card for my camera. I've told you all of the reasons, so I won't repeat myself. I expected it to run me in the $60-70 range but much to my delight they had a 1 GB card on sale for $29, plus a $10 rebate. PlacaTAN! So in theory I earned $50 by shopping there. I'll spend that on my new water bottle carrier at my friendly neighborhood Arcadian Shop, and maybe some other treats for me.

Okay, that's all I have for you right now. If anyone wants me to place any bets for him/her, please give me your cash today. I promise to bring you your winnings should you hit big (minus a small handling charge), so you can feel safe knowing that it's as good as your hand placing the bet. For real though, I'm trustworthy.

P.S. Send your thought waves of hot chicks in bikinis my way. You know I need all the help I can get.

Over and Out,
Old Coot

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I did almost lose my cereal whenI saw Turtlehead Peak. It's not even made up! That's awesome.

"Something inside of me just said 'Hey, wait a minute, I want to beat him.' and I just took off." -Pre