Despite the moniker Old Coot, I am actually not old and not a coot. My Libran fairness gives me a world of reason and understanding that often works to my disadvantage. Alas, even I have my limits...The LAMFB Dog
Yesterday morning I was startled awake by the yelping howl of the neighbor's loud ass mothafucking barking dog (LAMFB dog) at the ripe hour of 7:30AM. As usual he would continue to yelp and howl all day, but the pièce de résistance came when a car broke down in the road next door to the LAMFB dog's house.
The driver of the broken down car spent the better part of 2.5 hours in the street trying to figure out what went wrong and then what to do about it. All the while the LAMFB dog yelped and howled without so much as a pee break. I was forced to endure a suffering that tested my patience and brought me to the edge of sanity. I wanted so badly to walk over and punt the freaking thing into the back yard, but I know he's such a piece of chicken shit that as soon as my foot touched the driveway he'd run away with his tail betwixt his legs.
Loud-ass-muthafucking-piece-of-chicken-shit-ass dog.
Today I shall put the finishing touches on a letter I've been writing to LAMFPCSA dog's owners. In it, I simply point out that their dog is a nuisance, that I have been more than tolerable for a long time, that the city code specifically prohibits people from allowing their dog to yelp and howl to the detriment of the neighborhood, and informs them of the consequences of failing to comply with the city's code. It is a fine piece of diplomacy if I do say so myself. There is a firm tone, but it is entirely non-threatening.
The next step will be to call in the authorities and let them handle it. The letter is basically a warning shot.
Over and Out,
Old Coot
Monday, April 28, 2008
That Does It!!!
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
It's Easy Like Friday Morning
Well, I started writing this post back on Wednesday and it was all about how Wednesday is Hump Day, but when your workweek ends on Thursday Wednesday is really Over-The-Hump Day. Now that it's Friday and I'm sitting in the comfort of my own "study", sipping Lady Gray tea, listening to Miles Davis and Thelonious Monk I can truly appreciate the short work week.Double-Meat's New Development
JD, AKA Jack Bland, AKA Double-Meat Downs has traded in his Player's Club card for the life-long promise of marraige. Go Double-Meat!Back on the Trainer
Wednesday night I set to work changing parts over on my bike so that it would be more trainer friendly. As you may recall, I bought a set of Kreitler rollers last summer to enhance my bike training. Technically, rollers are not trainers but are a separate class of training paraphernalia known simply as rollers. Back to the bike. When riding on rollers, you are forced to ride almost perfectly straight with smooth motions and for God's sake, don't even blink too hard or you'll throw off your center of gravity with grave consequences. For safety reasons, I replaced my clipless pedals (that you, ironically, clip into) with "regular" pedals you'd likely find on any normal person's bike. In the event of a catastrophic eye twitch, the non clipless pedals allow you to bail easier, reducing the pain of being slammed to the floor beneath your bike.
With that task complete, I got all set up in the doorway and began pedaling for what would be about half an hour. I forgot to wear a headband, hat or anything to catch sweat and after 32:18 my eyes were burning with toxic face sweat, forcing me to stop.
The next step is to build little platforms to sit next to the rollers so that I can easily climb on an off the bike. Currently the bike sits about 4" off the floor, leaving no room to comfortably stand over the bike. A eunuch might not have any trouble, but even that might be a stretch. Also, I'd like to be able to ride somewhere besides a hallway, with a better view than a doorway. With the platforms I could set it up in front of a window and be able to enjoy the merriment of the squirrels whilst suffering away at a steady clip of 0 MPH.That Loud A$$ Mothafu(k!n& Barking Dog
Have I ever mentioned the owner forsaken dog that barks at everything that passes his house? I have made that dog my sworn enemy, although I know the fault truly lies with the owners who leave him outside all day long, devoid of playmates or attention whatsoever. If I wanted a dog, I would kidnap him and show him that life doesn't have to be lived trapped on the porch and blacktop combo that is his prison. The poor guy.
Well, that's all I have for today. I have been feeling pretty lax about blogging and I think the problem is epidemic. The blogs I read on the regular have all remained updateless for the last few days. I blame the seasonal blahs.
Over and Out,
Old Coot
