Does the Mach 3 Turbo Belong Below the Neck?

It's Friday, you ain't got no job, you ain't got shit to do. I'm gonna get you...

Okay, so maybe not. But it is Friday, and I love that movie (Friday)!!

Here's a story I'm sure you will all care about. We went out to The 99 (I'm not sure why 'The' is in the name, but that's what people call it) for lunch yesterday as JD's going away lunch. I felt compelled to eat a roast beef and cheddar dip, because the waitress HIGHLY recommended it. It was pretty good, but it will not receive a glowing recommendation from yours truly.

Afterwards, one guy had to have dessert. The next thing you know the other 9 of us are ordering. I knew the sandwich was going to catch up with me sooner or later, so I opted for the slice of apple pie over any hot fudge laden treats. This freaking pie shows up and it's literally A PIE. It was about 6" in diameter, covered in caramel sauce and ice cream. I ate it, but I knew I was in for a world of hurting. And what a world that was!

Hours later I met up with The Crazy Group for our Thursday run. As I laced up my kicks in the driveway, I could feel the roast beef and pie battling for position. The desired position? On the driveway next to my feet. I held it down, but knew this was going to be an unpleasant run. I'm a trooper, but I warned the ladies (yup, yesterday it was me and the ladies!!!) that they might have to come pick me up on their way back down the mountain if an all out Battle Royal broke out.

Have you ever found yourself in the unpleasant position to have to suck in your gut after a meal of Thanksgiving proportions? Well, try doing that for 75 minutes while running through the woods; jumping over streams, rocks, branches, logs, etc. Fortunately, the ladies I was running with were all seasoned nurses and mothers, and were not bothered by bodily functions. Not that there were any to speak of, but I'm sure they could hear the sloshing noises my roast beef/ice cream/water encumbered belly was making.

Question of the Day:

As the ladies were discussing their pale legs and the fact that they had to remember to shave just for this run, they mentioned that I should shave my legs. I'm not one to be shaving anything below the neck unless there's a good reason, but they felt it would really help emphasize my calves. I'm not sure if this was a compliment or they were saying I could use any help I could get in the calf department. I certainly wouldn't be doing it for speed because there are other things I could do to improve speed that wouldn't give me chick legs.

So ladies, what are your thoughts? Guys, I already know what you're thinking. I'm not seriously considering this, it's more of a curiosity.

And while I have the razor out, would it be too much to shave a 6-pack into my stomach? It's not like I look like Steve Carrell in 40 Year Old Virgin, but I'm no bare chested wuss. There's material to work with.

Well, I await your feedback on these topics. For now, I'm back to documentation. And today's a beautiful day; good thing I'm working until 4 :(

Over and out,
Old Coot

P.S. It's JD's last day here at work, the lucky bastard! Good luck, player.

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Victory was Mine

This is going to be a brief, Early Morning Edition. I was tested this morning and I have to say I passed and even got the extra credit. Here's how it went down...

I got out of bed around 5:50 according to my alarm clock. That means it was really only about 5:43. I fed the Hungry Hungry Kitties, hopped in the shower, shaved, dressed (in a springtime short-sleeve shirt!), grabbed the kitchen garbage and was out the door. The sun was glistening on the frosted dew covering the lawn and car. No need to scrape, a few passes of the wipers and I was in business. So far, so good.

When I arrived in the parking lot, I got a clutch spot since it was before the 7:00 rush. I decided to finally take the coffee cups out of my car, and empty my travel mug. As I climbed out of the car, wouldn't you know I spilled ALL of the coffee on my pants.

I kept my cool minus one toss of the keys and a non-expletive yell. YES, way to watch your mouth!

I reached into my glove box where I knew I would have a bevy of napkins and started sopping up the coffee. I kid you not, it just came right off. God Bless You, Old Navy Stain Defender Khakis. God Bless You.

So, I kept my cool, everything worked out, and I said what's up to everyone I passed in the How's-the-Day-Gonna-Go office. Oh, I shant be defeated in this: The Summer of Todd. I shant be defeated.

My arch nemesis, the Bizarro Summer of Todd (boo, hiss) failed to lure me out of my 100% positive summer mood.

Note: The Bizarro Summer of Todd is not to be confused with the Summer of Bizarro Todd. BT - as I call him for short - is my successor should I die or otherwise become unable to fulfill my Toddly duties.

And with that, I will work,
Old Coot

P.S. Go ahead and laugh, I said duties.

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I brought my AK, but I didn't have to use it

Folks, while yesterday I carried my AK, it turns out that I didn't need it; it was a good day. If you don't get this reference stop reading immediately and buy every Ice Cube album you can find. This blog will still be here when you get back.

When I stepped out the door yesterday I decided that it was going to be a good day. I can usually tell how it's going to go by the time I get to my desk. One of the offices I walk through en route to my desk is a 100% accurate indicator of how well the day will go. Everyone there was smiling and friendly. Sometimes I can feel like a celebrity walking down the hall; "What's up Bill? Cheryl, how's it going? Betty, looking good! Hey (Guy I don't know), what's the good word?" and so on. And people were smiling when they saw me coming. Yup, it was going to be a good day.

I started in on what I was planning on doing, and it seemed to be going well. I got distracted for a few hours looking for a thermal pad (glorified foam) that does not exist in this time zone. Back to work, got distracted again (you know who you are), back to work again, got to assemble some hardware. NOTE: It's almost always a good day when you get to touch some real hardware. It really makes you feel like an engineer to get your hands on something that you designed in PowerPoint! And when it all fits together, oh how sweet it is.

My late afternoon was filled with my original task, which I basically finished around 7:00. Man, that's two long days in a row. But the way the sky looked behind the big cooling towers and the PCB pile made the late night seem alright.

Eff that, it's nice today so I'm leaving early (hopefully). I have a lawn that needs a good spring raking!

So last night, I left work around 7, as I mentioned before. My car told me it was 46 degrees out. Not too hot, not too cold. I went home, ate dinner and decided to go for a run circa 8:00. I assumed it was still in the 40s when I headed out, but it really felt cold. After the first leg of my run, I made the decision that I was going to bag the run early. I could feel the cold in my lungs, something was awry. When I got home, I checked the thermometer and it read 35 degrees. That means it dropped over 10 degrees in an hour. Damn, no wonder I was so cold.

After that, I took a shower, curled up with a cat and did some good olde fashioned internet surfing. And by olde fashioned I mean on a laptop via a wireless connection to my DSL router. I also lost another $200+ in computer solitaire. The total is up around $2700+. Good thing it's not real dough, but I am accepting donations if you want to express your pity of me.

Well, the sun is shining, my team lead is growling and I want to go home. Hmm, where to put my priorities?

Maybe I will use my AK just a little,
Old Coot

P.S. No, I won't. Please don't send security. My AK is safely disassembled in my desk drawer.

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Will Waddle for Pie

Sup y'all. Not much to post here today but for consistency sake I'm tossing something up there.

Yesterday morning I awoke to my usual radio jabbering. I half listened while I made excuses for staying in bed "just ten more minutes". By 7:00 I was ready to get up, and I thought to myself "Shit! Yesterday I was supposed to set my clock forward! It's really 8:00!" I ran through some early morning logic and concluded that The Simpsons had been on at 8:00 My Time, so maybe I was okay. Had the clocks been changed it would have been on at 7:00.

At that point there was nothing I could do but lay in bed even longer waiting for them to give the time (and perhaps the weather). I heard neither and just checked the ole Sprint Standard Time on my mobile. "Phew, it's only 7:20." Which means I wasted 20 more minutes trying to decide how late I really was.

I got to work around 7:45, did some promised e-mailing that I had not been able to accomplish over the weekend, then set to work. I managed to keep myself so busy that I forgot to eat my 2nd breakfast until it was almost lunch time. Convenient, because I didn't have a real lunch and I wanted to work through it anyways. In the end, I accidentally worked until 6:45. That's a long day by my reckoning.

NEWS ALERT: I saw HECOW waddling around last night. He was even wearing a shirt that read "Will Waddle for Pie", and had 3rd degree blueberry burns on his face. HECOW, if you want your identity kept secret, and your little secret kept secret, I require $1 per day, paid monthly and in advance.

Speaking of pie, I love pie. I made the second of two Little Caesers blueberry pie kit pies last night and it was oh so delicious. And their secret ingredient (I have very sensitive taste buds) - DA DA DA DAAAA - deliciousness! But seriously, this pie contained the following ingredients: Bluberries, sugar, cornstarch, flour, shortening, and a dash of vanilla. Nothing more, nothing less, so you can imagine it was freaking good.

Well, I have more Qualification Test Plan writing to finish, so I must bid you adieu.

Peace in the Northeast,
Old Coot

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I *heart* (only) Upstate NY

Ahh, Monday morning. Folks, let me regale you in the splendidness of my weekend. Actually, there's nothing to tell, because splendid it was not.

So I was chilling at lunch with The Lunch Crew, discussing everyday life and how HECOW is so decrepit. A) He's crutching around like a wuss and B) He made a pregnant woman carry his lunch to the table for him. Weak.

All of a sudden, my mobile rings and it's my mother pleading for my assistance in packing up my sister. I had planned on straight up chilling all weekend, but family comes first and I agreed to make the dreaded trip to Spring Valley, NY one last time. I wanted to try out a more better route, so I consulted every map possible to guarantee I didn't get lost. My first hour or so went swimmingly, even the new section that I've never before tried. Then...

I got lost. A sign at my sister's exit had an arrow pointing to the RIGHT with the word "Airmont" next to it. I was in fact looking for Airmont Rd (or whatever type of thoroughfare it was) so I followed said road. It wasn't until I reached New Jersey that I realized I wasn't going to be finding my turnoff. As it turns out, the sign must have been pointing me to a city or town, not a road. That added the hour back onto my drive and increased my blood pressure to above average proportions.

The next day (Saturday) we packed up my sister and headed out in my car to the airport. That was another ordeal, which I won't discuss. I just hate the kind of traffic they have around there, and I was sleep deprived to boot. And hungry, and I needed coffee.

When we reached the terminal, my parents went in with my sister to see her off. I asked that they don't dawdle in case I couldn't just sit at the unloading area. They did not, and I had to drive all over the airport to get back. This was the perfect time for my mother to have her mobile on vibrate.

3 hours later we arrived back at my sister's house ready to pack up her stuff and get on the road. I ended up with more in my car than planned, but the van was PACKED to the brim. Eh, no biggie.

Then, we got lost on the way back to the NYS Thruway. I warned my parents that I should not lead, but they did not heed my warning and we went the wrong way. Eventually, I navigated by braille and got us to 87N, just in time to get stuck at an accident.

While I enjoy most of NYS, I feel I should have a t-shirt that specifically refers to that section of the state I like. I propose the following (yes, I made this myself)...



After that, it was smooth sailing. I got home around 5:30, 6:00. I had some dinner, put on a movie (that skipped) and went to bed. I slept until 11:00 Sunday morning.

Yesterday was much less eventful. I went for a nice long run and got snowed on. It was in the mid 40's, but it still managed to snow on me. At least it wasn't rain; thank you Jesus.

Lessons Learned:

• Never drive to Spring Valley, NYC, NJ, or JFK Airport ever again


• Just because you have 3 maps and written directions doesn't mean the navigational gods aren't still working against you


• My ass doesn't like riding in cars anymore


• Clean sheets make getting out of bed even harder (you didn't get the story, but it's self-explanatory)


• I need to buy a navigation unit for my car


• Let the dryer do its job. Your sheets won't dry on the bed, no matter how tired you are.

So there, that was my Monday rant. Everyone wish my sister good luck in Japan. She arrived yesterday in Tokyo and that's all I know.

P.S. Ab, I stopped over at Snicky's apt to drop off the cat stuff. Patti was out and about and letting us pet her (sans hissing). She even rolled around on the floor for me. The Rickster was fast asleep in the bedroom, I let him be.

I'm ghost,
Old Coot

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